EMAILS ABOUT OLD PEOPLE

 I keep getting all these “cute” emails about old people, describing all the idiotic things they do.  And I get lists of things which define old people such as, “You know you’re old when…..”  I find them semi-amusing.  I try not to personalize.  I do however, occasionally find myself doing things I probably wouldn’t have done 20 years ago.  I have to blame it on my age. Some of the things I now do are just plain dumb. I do question myself as to whether I was always this stupid or is it really the onset of senility that causes the behavior malfunctions going on in my life.  I mean I was NEVER going to be invited to the Mensa picnic, but, my gawd!  I’m getting worried.

For instance, the other day I stopped at a gas station to fill up my car.  I pulled into this very large Phillips 66 station, attached the nozzle to my car’s gas tank, inserted my credit card into the appropriate slot on the pump mechanism.  Now, as you know, getting gasoline is no longer a simple matter.  Before you start pumping, you have to answer a multitude of questions – cash? credit outside? credit inside? debit outside? debit inside? car wash? receipt? and very often your zip code, age, sexual preference, etc.  So, okay, I get through all the BS and the “pump” told me I had to re-insert my card and remove it quickly, which I obediently did.  Same questions.  Then the “pump” told me to “see attendant”.  By this time, I was so annoyed and frustrated, I pocketed my credit card, returned the nozzle to its home and drove away in a huff.  A short time later as I was waiting at a stop sign, I reached into my pocket to return my credit card to my wallet and I was stunned to see…..it was my J.C. Penney card.  Well…..as the epitaph on Alan King’s tombstone in the 1988 film “Memories of Me” said, “Now I Feel Like a Putz.”

There’s more stuff, but I’ll report it later.  Stay tuned.

 (Also, don’t pass this on.  One of my kids might get wind of it and have me put away.)